Craigerella
by SpamLord
Summary: An interesting food item leads to fun for Tweek and Craig... Slash, TweekCraig, Cuss words, Implied seckz, Poor writing.


My Tweek/Craig Kiriban for Toasty. It is about silly things.

Disclaimer: These little balls of gay sex aren't mine.  
Warnings: Cuss words, slash, implied seckz.

* * *

I sat down at the lunch table, and examined my food. Grey mush, greyish green mush, and purple mush. Wow, they put a non-grey colour in there today. I poked the greyish green with my fork, and I could swear I saw it move. "Gah!"

"What the hell is it now?" A voice from across the hall yelled. I almost screamed and ran, but then I heard the words of salvation…

"Fuck you!" my boyfriend bellowed at my attacker, and the cafeteria went silent. He flipped him off, and jumped out of his seat.

"Woah, wait a second. I didn't mean it Craig. Please don't hurt me, I won't do it again!" the boy pleaded. An almost invisible smirk graced my lips. He knew I loved it when he acted all protective, and used it to his advantage.

"Well Tweekers, I think you owe me one. But first, what were you yelling about?" His voice calmed me down, but I was still shaking a little.

"I p-poked this mush with m-my fork, and it m-moved…" I said quietly.

"Weird…" he mumbled. He poked the mush with his finger, and it wiggled again. "I don't see anything."

"I swear, it moved! Look inside, there's something in there!" I yelled.

"Well, I should…" he said with a devilish grin on his face. "But how about we make it interesting?" Oh gods. Every time he has said that, every single fucking time, I have regretted it. From bondage to humiliation to things I'm too embarrassed to say. I love Craig, but he's fucking insane. "I've always thought you'd look cute in a dress. If there's nothing in there, next date you go in drag. If there's something there, I go in drag. Deal?" I shook my head furiously.

"No way Craig!" I yelled.

"Well then, I guess you'll just have to look inside on your own," he said, with mock hurt in his voice.

"Fine…" I sighed. This would not end well. Craig took his fork, and scooped the mush off of the top. He kept on slowly scraping, building up tension. "For fuck's sake Craig, just do it! He quickly scraped off the rest, and stopped it. He hit something solid, and dug it out.

"A rat," he said with rage in his voice. "A motherfucking rat!" he yelled, as he threw my tray across the room. "I guess that means you win Tweekers."

"I win?" I have to work harder than I ever have in my life to hide my joy. I WON. I BEAT CRAIG. My mind does a little dance of joy, and I my eyes light up. "Tuesday night, Craigerella!" I jump up from my seat, and almost skip away, just as the bell rings.

* * *

It was Tuesday night, and Craig hadn't spoken too much for the week. I hope he wasn't too mad at me for winning. I had dressed up in a fancy suit, just to piss him off. I knew he'd get mad, but it would be worth it. I was sitting watching TV, when I heard the doorbell ring. I jumped up, and walked over to get it. I opened the door, and HOLY SHIT. Craig was standing at the door, wearing a long blonde wig. He was wearing a smooth silky pink and white dress with frills at the bottom, and ruby red high heels. He had worn red lipstick, as well as mascara and eye shadow. He had really gotten into this…

"Hello Craigerella," I said in a deep voice as I leaned down to kiss his hand. I noticed he was wearing baby blue nail polish. How the hell did he do all this without his parents noticing?

"Hi Tweek!" he exclaimed in a high voice, making me giggle. I swept him outside, and we stepped into his car. I was the man, but I still couldn't drive. After a drive where I burst into fits of laughter several times, we reached our destination, the Monte Cristo. I stepped out of the car, and ran over to his side to open the door for him. He took my hand as he lifted himself out, tripping slightly on his high heels. We linked arms, and walked into the restaurant together.

We stepped inside, and I addressed the waiter, "Table for 2 please."

"Yes, that'll be about a five m-m…" he stuttered as he looked at Craig.

"You got a problem with us? I can report you to the manager for being intolerant," he snapped.

"No, not at all sir. It'll be about a five minute wait," he mumbled nervously, as we went to sit down in the waiting area.

"Homophobes are such a drag, aren't they Tweeky darling?"

"They aren't very nice to us, but that's fine. They aren't important."

A few minutes later, we're brought to our seats. The waiter placed a pair of menus on the table, and almost ran away from us.

"You'd think we were lepers or something, the way he's avoiding us. Oh sweet holy Moses, we have leprosy!" I scream, earning a stare from the entire restaurant… Until Craig gave them his favourite sign.

"Tweekie, we don't have leprosy. Just calm down and enjoy yourself. Be right back, I have to go change my tampon," he said, without the slightest hint of a joke. And that's what made it funny. I burst out in laughter, as he headed off for the women's bathroom. I don't want to think about what it's going to be like in there once he's done with it.

We returned to his house after our meal, which wasn't as good as we hoped. Guess the Monte Cristo hates gays. I opened the door for him, and he stepped inside, holding up his dress so he wouldn't trip. I followed him inside, and closed the door.

"Hey, where are your parents and sister?"

"They're in France, eating cheese or whatever the hell they do there," he said, slipping off his heels and rubbing his feet afterwards. They looked like they would hurt a lot.

"You didn't want to go?" I asked, taking my jacket off.

"Tweek… France is gay. Like, gayer than us."

"Well mademoiselle, what should we do now?" I asked.

"I'm sure we could find something to do up in my room, monsieur Tweek," he replied with an innocent look in his eyes. I took his hand, and I led him up to his room. We got into his room, and did like we always did. I shed all my clothes quickly (As much as I hate to admit it, Craig in a dress was a huge turn-on.), and leaned over the bed, waiting.

"Um… There's something I should tell you Tweek…" he said quietly. "I figured since I was coming in drag, I might as well, you know, complete the package…" he said.

"What do you mean, complete the pa- WHAT?" I shrieked. My boyfriend was a girl? Oh dear Zeus no! I looked back at him, and he burst into laughter.

"Just fucking with you Tweek. Now for some more," he said seductively as he turned off the lights…

* * *

Hope you liked it! If not, review and tell me why you didn't! If you did, review and tell me why you did:D

Songs I listened to:  
Danger! High Voltage  
Rock and Roll Evacuation  
Be My Dark Angel  
Boy or Girl (XD)  
Future is in the Future  
Dance Epidemic  
Future Boys  
Vibrator (XD)  
Taxi to Nowhere  
Gay Bar (XD)  
Naked Pictures (Of Your Mother) ((XD))  
Improper Dancing  
I'm the Bomb  
Jimmy Carter  
Bite Me  
Dance-a-Thon 2005  
Dance Commander  
Devil Nights  
ALL by Electric Six. :D


End file.
